


As We are Floating in The Blue

by lettersfromzedelghem



Category: Pacific Rim (2013)
Genre: Altered Mental States, Brief Bodyswap, Canon-Typical Violence, F/M, Sexual Content
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-08-28
Updated: 2013-08-28
Packaged: 2017-12-24 21:26:59
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,061
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/944841
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/lettersfromzedelghem/pseuds/lettersfromzedelghem
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Eighteen hours and forty nine minutes was the official time later recorded for their drift.</p>
            </blockquote>





	As We are Floating in The Blue

When the Vladivostok Shatterdome had opened in 2016, one of the first orders of business had been composing a defensive strategy for the coastline of Russia. The country boasted a coastline that sprawled over 3700 kilometers, and the task of securing it was daunting. Between three Jaegers, it was a great game of stationing them in key positions and organizing which would remain stationary and which would patrol along the shores. One Jaeger always remained within an hour of Vladivostok by either Jaeger or helicopter lift, in case of an immediate Kaiju threat to the city and Shatterdome. The far north coastlines of the Kara, Laptev, and East Siberian Sea were low on their list of concerns. A Kaiju would be hard pressed to get past all of the monitoring that was being done on the Breach to get that far without being detected and intercepted by a Jaeger team. They hoped that the distance paired with the brutal Arctic waters would help protect them if a Kaiju did make it there. This decision left the other two Jaegers to patrol south around the Sea of Japan and north around the Sea of Okhotsk.

Mobile patrols went out four days a week, leaving the remaining three for the pilots to rest and for more intensive Jaeger maintenance. The patrols never lasted less than five hours but generally cut off at ten, give or take the time it took for the Jaegers to be transported to the areas they were assigned to guard. The majority of these outings were uneventful; long hours of walking familiar shores, watching the surface of the seas for any signs of trouble could prove monotonous at times for even the most dedicated of teams. But uneventful patrols were considered blessings for the Russians.

Hours upon hours of being inside a Jaeger did have some merit, though, despite the challenges it presented. The Russian teams had become renowned for the strength of their drifts, having extraordinarily strong neural handshakes that lasted as long as they were needed with no signs of wavering. Pilots bonded more and more with every patrol, and the more that they bonded the more easily their minds accommodated one another and connected them to their Jaegers. The length of their work tested and strengthened them physically and mentally which they all benefited from it. In their eyes the strength of their teams was testament to their determination to protect their land, and they were proud.

Nearly two years on from the establishment of the Shatterdome and the Jaeger teams had grown accustomed to waking at five on deployment mornings to dress and get to the mess hall to eat before going to the drivesuit room. That was a strict rule for all pilots; no long missions without eating. Fainting in a Jaeger would prove disastrous in more ways than one and doing so due to skipping a meal would be unforgivably foolish. They had all tried it, at one time or another, and had all been given a verbal lashing from their superiors that fixed their attitude about it. On this particular morning, Sasha and Aleksis had arrived second out of the three teams; the Durova sisters who piloted Eden Assassin were already seated with some of their mechanics, all talking easily and passing a pot of coffee around the table despite the early hour. Their angular faces and bright blue eyes looked far too energetic for such an early hour.

“Do they ever sleep?” Aleksis asked lowly as he walked beside Sasha through the line to put a few spoonfuls of scrambled eggs and four pieces of toasted black rye bread on his tray. Sasha shook her head and yawned at him, always slow to wake up until she had a cup of coffee, and nudged his side to make him scoot along.

“They're not human,” she mumbled, scooping a large helping of kasha into a bowl, topping it with a spoonful of berry preserves. She stabbed several pieces of sausage with a serving fork and added them to her tray along with some of the eggs. “They were still awake when we went to bed, playing goddamn cards.”

Aleksis glanced at her out of the corner of his eye and smiled fondly. Sasha never bothered to braid her hair until she had eaten, and she looked less severe with her hair loose around her face and her lips their natural, pale pink shade. The gray sweatshirt hanging off of her frame belonged to him. She had grabbed it in the dim light of their quarters by mistake, though she hadn't looked particularly sorry when he had pointed it out on the way to mess. Before she could elbow him along again he leaned down to plant a quick, whiskery kiss on her cheek. Briefly taken aback, Sasha smiled through the last traces of sleepiness on her face and leaned up to rifle her fingers through the mess of dark curls on his head.

They continued grabbing foodstuffs until their trays were entirely full, and after getting cups of coffee and black tea they went to a table. They would need all of the energy that they could get. Cherno Alpha was being deployed to patrol along the shore near Sea of Okhotsk. A transport team would take them as far as Vanino, but the rest of distance would be covered on foot until they were called back to a rendezvous point with the helicopters. They were anticipating being out for ten hours in total.

The tall, lanky Yeun cousins of South Korea and their team members for Nova Hyperion wandered in a few minutes later. They were tailed by the tech people from LOCCENT Mission Control, easily spotted with their black, portable communication pads in their hands or tucked under their arms. At the end of the line that filtered in was the J-Tech Chief for Vladivostok, Anna Akulova. Her black hair was swept up and pinned neatly on the back of her head and she looked very tall with her heeled boots. Anna was the voice of mission control for all of the Jaeger teams and was thus well liked and highly respected.

“Good morning, everyone!” Her voice was agreeable and loud, demanding the attention of the mess hall and receiving it immediately. A few stray voices echoed a greeting back to her, and she smiled and bowed her head in acknowledgment. Her dark eyes surveyed the crowd before her, a thoughtful quirk to her brows.

“I trust that you all know what your responsibilities for today are, so we won't go over it all again,” she continued, tapping her fingers on the surface of her own communication pad. “However, we have been given new information that is crucial to the Jaeger teams, so all three of you please pay attention. Approximately twenty three hours ago a Kaiju came through the Breach. It has been classified as a Category III and codenamed Raythe.”

She paused, eyes dropping to scan over the report that was pulled up on her pad.

“Raythe has yet to make landfall anywhere, hence the lack of alarm. A spotter team has been tracking its progress as best they can. As of one hour ago it was approaching Japan but it does not seem to be making advances inland. It is still unclear as to what its next move will be. So, I have been instructed to inform all pilot teams that today will be business as usual. We will keep you all updated on the situation while you continue to perform your assigned duties. Arrangements will be made if we are required to assist in taking the Kaiju down at any point. That is all. Thank you.”

With that she clutched the pad against her chest and strode off to get in line for breakfast. Sasha and Aleksis exchanged a look, brows raising slightly.

“Sounds like it will be a long day,” Aleksis said once the mess hall filled up with conversation again. He gingerly sipped at his tea. Sasha nodded, humming through a mouthful of hot cereal.

“We will get through it,” she replied easily once her mouth was empty. “We have done nearly the same length of time before. We will take music along with us and we will sing and we will play riddles. If the Kaiju shows its ugly face, we'll tear it off. It will pass by quickly.”

“Riddles,” Aleksis repeated in a rumbling, pleased voice. Telling riddles was entertaining when you had to try to keep the answer from filtering across the drift by accident. It also beat staring at the snow that had piled high on the landscape over the past week. Sasha smiled at him and reached over to tuck a stray curl away from the corner of Aleksis' eye.

"Yes. We'll see who wins this time. Perhaps we will discuss what to do about that mop on your head, too. Now eat your breakfast, _medved'_. I need you to be strong today.”

\- - - 

_A little girl with dark hair splashing through a rain puddle on her bike – brothers watching television with school books forgotten beside them – crying over a lost pet – spilling borscht on mama's best white table cloth – fighting with boys at school who think they're allowed to touch whenever they want to – dreading another family holiday dinner – feeling judging eyes on your massive frame so young in life and wishing you could shrink – yes, I know it will be dangerous but I have to go–_

Aleksis saw it all in rapid glimpses, silent and ghostly within the blue fog that made up the drift. He let the memories pass by in the constant flow that they moved in. Sasha's approval at the secure fit of their minds radiated through the bond. Outside and below the Conn-Pod was the vast expanse of snow covered ground, dotted with boulders and towering evergreens. The blades of the helicopters above them sent whorls of snowflakes whipping past their view window. In the distance sat Vanino marked by a thick column of steam rising into the chilly air from its oil refinery.

“Cherno Alpha, prepare for deployment in approximately twelve minutes. Proceed three hundred and twenty kilometers north using the given coordinates and then backtrack. We will have transport waiting when you return to Vanino. Stay alert and keep your radio lines free in case of mission changes.”

“Understood, Anna,” Sasha replied. “Will the weather be clear enough for us to move safely later in the day?”

“The snows are not expected to pick up until far later tonight. All of the teams will be back at the Shatterdome by then. If conditions worsen before then where you are patrolling and vision quality goes down too far, use your best judgment about continuing on.”

Sasha verified she had heard this and the radio went silent. She blinked as Aleksis' memory of watching her braid her hair and apply her lipstick slid over the surface of her mind. The low simmer of arousal that came with it made her grin. He was looking ahead resolutely when she turned her head to stare at him.

“I saw that,” she said slyly. His armored shoulders moved up and down, lips twitching at the corners.

“You know how you look when you get ready to go to war. It is not my fault,” he replied slowly. “As much as I would like to chase that particular rabbit, I will refrain.”

Sasha's laughter bounced around the Conn-Pod and the drift vibrated with it.

The helicopters released Cherno Alpha on the opposite side of an inlet from the sea that divided the port. Sasha and Aleksis braced themselves for impact as the machine met with the earth, snow flying up in a wave around their feet. Cherno let out a groan of metal joints and humming guidance systems, coming to life around them. They steadied themselves and then raised a massive hand into the sky to bid the transport team farewell.

“Setting a course for three hundred and twenty kilometers,” Sasha said as she reached to the digital display of their map and input the ending point Anna had given them. The guidance system processed the input of coordinates and then displayed a bright yellow dot on the green space that represented the land.

“Radar is clear aside from townspeople movement. No signs of monsters,” Aleksis reported. “Engine temperature is well within the safe zone and cooling vents are free of obstruction. All weapon systems are functioning. Vital signs are all stable. I'm ready to go when you are, _moy krolik_.”

“Please, after you, _medved'_ ,” Sasha purred.

They stepped forward together and Cherno let out another low roaring noise as it surged forward. Steam poured out of its cooling vents and heat glared through the incinerator turbines on either side of Cherno's towering head like two red eyes. It took a handful of steps for the machine to make its way into the inlet, shattering the ice at the edge of the water and powering onward. On the other side was the outskirts of the industrial park. Workers within the fenced area of the factories had stopped to watch since the helicopters had appeared, and when Cherno Alpha reached the shore on their side of the water they cheered and held up hands in greeting. Sasha and Aleksis raised a hand curled into a blocky fist over their heads in response. The drift was overwhelmed with the fondness that the pilots felt towards the display. These were the people they were protecting; good people who were only trying to carry out another day to provide for themselves. They would always acknowledge them from within their Jaeger if it meant that they would feel safe.

With their massive strides the town passed by in a matter of minutes. Eventually nothing but the faint outline of the oil refinery in the distance was visible. It was hard work to move through the added resistance of the deep snows and and down the slopes of mountains, but once they had built up momentum with their legs they settled into the heavy rise and fall of Cherno's feet.

“Maiden in the dungeon,” Aleksis began, breaking the comfortable silence of the Conn-Pod, “ends in the streets.”

Sasha gazed ahead at a patch thick timber along the side of a mountain, contemplating. Aleksis deliberately thought about how much better at the game he was and she huffed in reply.

“It is a carrot, yes?”

Aleksis smiled and nodded.

“Two rings, two ends,” Sasha shot back, her voice smug at the vagueness of her words. Aleksis turned his head, and though she could not see his eyes she imagined they were narrowed at her.

“This is going to be a very long patrol, indeed,” he sighed, realizing that their connection would not serve him well when it came to trying to outsmart Sasha. The only thing the drift offered at that moment were more fragments of childhood memories.

Once Aleksis had correctly guessed scissors he moved on to ask Sasha what will can if it can and will freeze if it cannot. The flat line her lips pressed themselves into at this was well worth the entire day of walking. When she proudly announced that it was the process of preserving food, after a great deal of thought and low grumbling, Aleksis chuckled and bowed his head. They spent a solid hour and a half testing each other. It was entertaining for them both to feel the other's mind working through the puzzles, combing through logical answers and moving on to more abstract thinking with mounting levels of frustration and amusement. When they had finally exhausted their reserves of riddles they settled back into silence, and finished the second hour of their patrol that way.

 

_Confused and scared at the monsters being shown on the television – I'm going to join the fight. I can't stay here – tearful parents shaking their heads, pleading you to stay, not go fight a war with only one apparent end – I will make you all proud. I will be a hero for us. You will see–_

Akulova checked in just minutes before the completion of their third hour. The two of them had turned on the music that they had convinced the engineering team to program into the machine during one of its updates. If anyone had happened upon the Jaeger at that moment, they would have been able to hear the sound of their music thudding across the soft silence of remote winter as they trudged on. Their bawdy, Russian bellowing overwhelmed the radio call for a moment, and then their music was cut off by mission control.

“If you two are done,” Anna's voice cut in, exasperated, “I have word that Raythe has bypassed Japan and is still moving north. The spotter team had to stop and refuel their helicopters at the Tokyo Shatterdome, so we will be flying blind on this until they can resume chasing the Kaiju. There is no need for alarm yet but keep your eyes open all the same.”

“Understood,” Aleksis answered this time. “Are the Yeuns covering the coastline south of Vanino?”

“Yes, they are. They have been alerted as well. Is the weather holding where you are?”

“The snowfall has increased but it is still easy to see through. We're not worried.”

“Good. You two are making ideal progress with the pace you've set. Your neural handshake is still incredibly strong. Keep going. I will keep you updated,” Anna praised, and then she switched the music back on for them, though slightly more quiet this time.

 

_Nerves overwhelming her she kisses him for the first time, and then laughter at his expression, his young and bewildered face, when she pulls away and he smiles – her on her knees, clutching at a bleeding nose in the Kwoon Room, him looking at her regretfully – I'm sorry, it was my fault, my temper, I would never do anything so reckless outside of this room, not to you, I want you safe – you're acting like a boy, Aleksis! A child, not a man who can protect anyone! Your losses do not excuse your recklessness and I will be damned before I let you into my mind if you keep going like this – shame at disappointing her and immediate resolve to do better, work harder, until she welcomed his presence in a Jaeger with her – practicing a waltz together, laughing at clumsy feet from both parties at the unfamiliarity of such delicate movement – watching her walk down the side of the road, stomping into a rain puddle with a big black boot and a wistful smile on her face – eyes bright and hands eager to touch, lips finding his as he braces himself over her–_

The sky outside the Conn-Pod was dark, filled with heavy sheets of snow falling and swirling in the wind through the beams of light that shone from the top of Cherno. It had been just over ten hours since they landed on the ground and twelve hours since the drift had been initiated back in the Shatterdome. Their thoughts, memories, and even dreams were vivid and fast through their connection. Neither of them allowed the other, or themselves, to latch on to any of it, but the clarity and strength of emotions was breathtaking. They had been through this before, once, on another long patrol. Aleksis turned his head to look at her and her head moved towards him, the understanding of their identical movements passing between them. This was the ideal connection; barely distinguished from one another and everything synchronized, mentally and physically.

Their radio had been silent for a long while. The weather still wasn't extreme enough to prevent radio contact, so they had taken the quiet as a good sign. Sasha and Aleksis weren't concerned if things did worsen outside; there was no risk of freezing to death or being snowed in inside of Cherno. The engine over their heads created plenty of warmth and prevented ice and snow from building up on them. The limited visibility around them, however, was an inconvenience and it had slowed their progress back to Vanino. They had resorted to following their radar, shining their light on the giant footsteps they had made on their first trip out.

“What if there is no transport waiting for us? The snow might be too bad for them to fly.”

“We'll keep walking,” Sasha replied easily. “We will seal Cherno up and walk on the ocean floor until the sun comes up. It is probably easier to see down there.”

“That's a long walk. It's over a thousand kilometers back to Vladivostok from there.”

“You had better not fall asleep, then.”

Aleksis let out a low, rumbling laugh and shook his head. Together they took the last, long downward slope of the mountain range they had been navigating. The machine's broad shoulders knocked against trees and sent rocks tumbling down out of their way as they kicked them along. Aleksis had a mind to see just how far they could launch one out into the wilderness. Before Sasha could shoot down his musings, despite the curiosity that her mind provided at his thought, their Conn-Pod erupted with noise. The calm yellow and green lights of all their systems switched over to red, and a tinny alarm signaled an emergency call from LOCCENT.

“Cherno Alpha! I need you to pick up the pace immediately.”

Akulova's voice was shrill when it burst through the radio line. In the background they could hear more yelling and the general chaos of a busy control room.

“What's going on, Anna?” Sasha demanded, and even as the words left her mouth they were breaking into a run out across the frozen earth. When Anna Akulova told you to move it, you did so.

“Raythe cut across the smallest stretch of land on the opposite side of the Strait of Tartary. It doubled back on itself and lost the spotter teams while they refueled. A cargo ship on its way out spotted it and alerted us. It's moving fast towards Vanino. I think the activity of the shipyard is attracting it. The spotter teams are trying to slow it down with gunfire when it surfaces but it is having little effect. Nova Hyperion is en route now to assist but you two are far closer. You need to be there to intercept it.”

“We are forty five kilometers away and closing as fast as we can,” Aleksis said, swinging his arm in time with Sasha to smash trees out of their way. It was pitch black out, now, but they ran without hesitation through the night. A small place like Vanino would have nowhere secure to evacuate to. The night time temperatures were too extreme to allow them to flee into the timber at the edges of the settlement for a long amount of time. If the Kaiju made it there before them, people would die. They did not doubt that.

_You're older but you are not always right – we are compatible. I have always known this – I trust you – she's standing there, bare feet in the sand and her face turned up towards the sun and Aleksis loves her, he does – pain on his jaw from a nick of his straight razor – I know you do, you silly man. You're never subtle about it–_

“Focus,” Sasha barked at him through her exertion, but she sounded bewildered at the increasing intensity of everything.

“I'm still here,” Aleksis protested. His legs moved to jump with hers as they cleared the frozen surface of a river. “The drift is doing this itself.”

The drift was flowing faster and faster as they ran, the thunderous pounding of Cherno's feet on the earth coming as quickly as the images. They weren't chasing the rabbit, not at all. They were still in complete control of themselves and their Jaeger. Their minds were simply hypersensitive to every little nuance of their memories and emotions, wrapped up together in something cohesive and chaotic all at once. Both of them hoped that it was only a normal side effect for a thirteen hour drift. It was unfamiliar territory for them.

As they topped the gradual slope of the land at the edge of the basin where Vanino was nestled, their radar began shrieking at them. There were several smaller dots that represented the spotter team off the edge of the landmass, and in the center of the half moon form they had assumed was a large, looming shape. It took only a handful of strides for them to be down the little hill and barreling towards the port.

_Prepare to use Roll of Nickles. We'll drag this motherfucker out of the town and beat it into the earth – warming up incinerator turbines – charging Tesla fists – do not lose focus now–_

The Kaiju's head broke the surface of the water with a guttural roar, mouth opening under the lights of the helicopters to reveal row after row of hooked teeth. A fan of webbed spines expanded on the back of its skull. The neon blue clusters of its eyes on either side of its long, jaggedly shaped face shone brightly. It roared again as it pulled itself up onto the land, clawed feet tearing through the frozen ground as its muscles bulged beneath black, spiked skin. The workers of the shipyard had watched the helicopters for some time with growing alarm when they heard the gunfire coming from them, and the sight of the monster rearing out of the water only meters away sent them running. The air was filled with more gunfire as bullets continued to pelt the creature but it stormed onward, head whipping around in the direction of the housing area of the city, attracted by the soft lights shining through windows.

Cherno Alpha burst into the halo of spotlight with a metallic roar which rivaled that of the Kaiju. The people who had been sent running faltered, watching the massive machine in awe. Streams of fire burst from its turbines and its fists smashed together, over and over again in a display of dominance, hard enough to shake the earth and create a thunderstorm.

“Let's go, motherfucker!” Sasha yelled, sprinting forward with Aleksis as the Kaiju barreled towards them. With their right hand they gripped the column of the Kaiju's throat, the left arm going to hook around its belly and back. Using the momentum of the creature's movement they lifted it up overhead, pivoted in place, and slammed it down backwards onto the ground. Both of their fists crashed into either side of its head, and electricity from the Tesla fists raced between them, causing the beast and shudder and roar where it was pinned beneath them. They continued the barrage of fists, smashing into the Kaiju's jaws and eyes until it got a clawed hind foot up against their chest and kicked them away, following with snapping jaws.

Sasha and Aleksis swung upwards together, a brutal uppercut that caught the Kaiju squarely. Several of its teeth splintered and dropped out of the great, glowing maw of its mouth. The impact of his hand scraping claws across Cherno's chest rocked them, sending them both flying backwards on their command platforms. The Kaiju was on them instantly and they toppled downward in a mass of clawing and punching, rolling through snow and frozen mud.

_Incinerator turbines!_

The fire caught the Kaiju on the left side of its face, melting skin and eyes beyond all recognition, down to bare bone. It let out an unearthly screech and flung them away, clawing at the wound and rounding on them again with a raised arm. Aleksis reached for the long limb instantly and jerked it downward, stomping Cherno's foot down onto it. The bones flattened between metal and earth, the beast's hand rendered useless.

Sasha was cackling, high and loud, and he did not know if it was in the drift or aloud, but the savageness of her filled him all the same and bolstered his own ferocity. They grabbed the Kaiju by one of the hooked spines on its back and flung it away from the houses, as people had since come out to watch the battle. Raythe stood again but rather than turning to engage them it bolted towards the timber, still fast for only having three functioning legs. The spotter team overhead split, four of them tailing the Kaiju and the other three staying on the Jaeger as it took up chase.

They did not know how far or how long they ran after the Kaiju. The woods around them were identical from one moment to the next, and Raythe was leading them up and down hills and into timber thickets. The spotter team kept up with them, though their lights were sporadically blocked by trees and mountains. It felt surreal. Their bodies ached and burned but they ran on into the endless dark and snowfall. Slowly but surely they closed the gap between themselves and Raythe.

“Recharging Tesla fists and readying incinerators,” Aleksis called out. When he blinked and reached for the controls for said weapons, however, he was not looking down at his big hands but the smaller ones of Sasha that were clenched into fists as she ran. That wasn't right...was it? He shook his head and his own big fingers were in his sights, and he refocused on arming the weaponry. There was no time to think about what he had just experienced. Raythe was crashing through another timber thicket, sending splinters of wood and pine needles flying.

_Jump, now!_

Cherno lunged forward and hit the Kaiju square on the back of the head with an elbow, driving them both down and sending plumes of powdery snow upward. Their elbow slammed into the hard bone of the Kaiju's skull over and over, and with their free arm they reached out and grabbed the thick, solid trunk of an evergreen. The gnarled roots of the tree jerked out of the earth with one hard pull, fresh dirt flying everywhere in the prop wash of the helicopters. The Kaiju rolled them and they brought the tree up, a massive imitation of a Bo, and shoved it horizontally into the beast's mouth before it could bite the outer shell of their engine. The wood cracked in the vice of Raythe's jaws but it gave Sasha and Aleksis enough time to push it up off of them and roll them back over. Fire shot out of the turbines again and this time both streams of it hit the Kaiju's chest under them. It burned through skin and muscle and they held on, fought against the thrashing of the monster while the turbines did their work.

When it stopped they leaped back away and watched their opponent closely. Rivulets of blood were running down its heaving chest and belly from the open wound they had created, the grotesque pink and sickly green of exposed organs catching their eye. Raythe righted itself and it roared, muscles coiling before it leaped at them.

Aleksis followed Sasha as she grabbed the Kaiju's long snout and twisted it until it cracked, and their left arm was already reaching for something in the snow. A boulder, Aleksis saw as Cherno's hand moved back into the light. Sasha's teeth were bared and she slammed the Kaiju's head against the remaining trees around them, and then down onto the ground. They stomped on one back leg to keep it from kicking them away.

“Roll of Nickles!” They commanded together as they drove the fist clutching the boulder downward. The extra driving force of their fist with the added weight of the stone crushed the Kaiju's skull inward. It stopped thrashing at once and flopped to the ground with a solid thud when they released it. They left the massive stone in place and backed away, catching their breath in ragged gasps and waiting for signs of movement just in case.

Sasha turned her head to look at Aleksis and her vision was suddenly swimming, her own form like a ghostly imprint over him. She shook her head, blinking hard, and it stopped.

“It happened to you, too,” Aleksis said. He knew, had just seen it and felt the surge of confusion from her. “I saw all of the controls on your side, earlier, in the fight. Only for a second.”

“Is the drift failing?” They both already knew that couldn't possibly be the cause of these moments of altered consciousness. The drift was still rushing through their minds. It was powerful, shoving memories from one another into the other's mind. It was not at all like chasing the rabbit; the drift was still secure but simply overflowing.

“I think the drift is going beyond anything we've been taught. I'm not sure what's going to happen.”

Sasha's mouth opened to reply but the radio chirruped to life, and this time behind Akulova's voice there was loud cheering and applause.

“The Kaiju signature has been terminated,” she said, pride dripping from her voice. “We have deployed two teams to pick up Nova Hyperion and you. Get back to Vanino and wait. Are you two okay?”

“We're in one piece,” Sasha said, eyes closed as she reeled under the surge of the drift. “We will begin the trip back to the rendezvous point now.”

_Lips on hers, or on his. On theirs – I want to tell you. I want you to know – watching her try on rings that are too big for her fingers, his big necklaces around her neck, gold warming against her bare chest – chopping firewood for grandmother until your palms blister from gripping the ax – come here. I will teach you how to braid – mama yelling up at you for acting like a brute and fighting with other boys in the streets – you are not small. I am too large. I am odd – you are only young and sometimes foolish but I love you all the same – alone in a cafe, watching more footage attacks on the television and knowing, knowing what you had to do – snapping a man's fingers for looking at you wrong, and him wrong – I am afraid of this, Sasha...Aleksis...who am I? – just let it flow. We are okay–_

“It's too much,” Sasha gasped, swatting a tree out of their path as they staggered back through the trail they had made towards the town.

_Her hair is soft against his cheek – sitting on his back and laughing as he continues his pushups – leaving flowers on a gravestone and holding your little brother close – behave or I will write home and tell my sister to send me my riding crop – we will be okay – your memories are beautiful – don't be afraid. Just let them flow–_

It took almost three hours for the transport team to show up with the added weather interference. Cherno Alpha stood at the edge of the port, facing out towards the open water and looking the part of a silent sentinel as the townspeople went back into their homes. Sasha and Aleksis were exhausted but could not have slept even if it had been an option. How could they when everything from their past, from their dreams and everything they desired was bouncing back and forth between them? Aleksis felt unhinged, or perhaps it was Sasha, or maybe it was both of them.

They were still in control. They hadn't fallen down the rabbit hole and put themselves into danger or let the other be hurt by a neural overload, but their field of vision was like looking through a blue filter. There was the port, the ocean water, and the falling snow, but over it was the clash of his memories and hers. Children who had never known each other ran across the same space as if they had done so in real life. School classrooms full of anxiety or irritation for them both came and went. Glimpses of sunlight, and white lace, and the taste of vodka and a cigar, and snow caught on eyelashes came and went. Them meeting at the Academy and fighting in the Kwoon Room with a surge of admiration for one another followed. Seeing Cherno Alpha for the first time brought them the thrill of happiness they had experienced years ago as if it were just happening for the first time.

The boundaries between their memories and the ability to distinguish without doubt which memory or desire belonged to who were gone. Some things he knew without doubt to be his, or hers, but others felt deeply ingrained, and real, and impossibly familiar despite the fact that they may have never happened to either of them. Akulova's voice came to them on the radio, but they did not really hear her, and shortly after the the transport team arrived. Sasha and Aleksis guided the Jaeger into a better position and the long steel cables lowered down with crew members secured in harnesses, hooking the machine to the helicopters.

_I remember the first time they did this – you were always strangely afraid of heights for someone so tall–_

Cherno Alpha's feet left the ground and they shut their eyes together and let the drift go on and on. They would have slept, and a large part of them wanted to, to escape from the barrage of memories. No one would fault them for ending the drift and dozing off on the return trip. However, the bigger part of them, infernal curiosity and admiration for everything they were being allowed to take it, kept them awake while they were taken back to the Shatterdome.

_One day I will be enough. I will ask her then – burning her calf on the exhaust pipe of a motorbike and cursing while her friends laugh – don't be a baby, Aleksis. Come with us – rangers have to know how to swim – sneaking squares of chocolate to each other under the table of the lecture room, bored with Kaiju anatomy for the day – ask me now. We have killed together so ask–_

Eighteen hours and forty nine minutes was the official time later recorded for their drift.

 

When they arrived in Vladivostok and the Jaeger was back inside the Shatterdome, Akulova disengaged the drift after the Conn-Pod was removed from the Jaeger and on its way up to the Drivesuit Room. As soon as it had ended, the monitor for their vitals went berserk as their heart rates skyrocketed. When the crew who helped remove the drivesuits opened the door to the Conn-Pod, Sasha and Aleksis were fumbling wildly with the release latches on the command platforms, helmets flung aside. They were sweaty and looked exhausted with dark shadows under bloodshot eyes. Akulova had come up to greet them, and after one look she had demanded that a medical crew examine them.

“We are fine,” Sasha snipped at a nurse as her blood pressure was taken, unsuccessfully so due to her fierce demeanor. She looked up from where she was being made to sit and sighed at Aleksis. Her left leg was bouncing up and down, seemingly out of her control. “We have had a very long day, have we not, Sasha?”

“Yes,” Aleksis responded roughly, glowering at the confused looks the medics were exchanging. “So hurry up with this.”

“You two should eat–”

“I want to go shower and lie down and sleep!” Sasha yelled, pinching the bridge of her nose and closing her eyes tightly at a brilliant flash of blue. The image of wind whipping through trees beside her childhood home burst into her mind. Aleksis saw it, too, and he staggered slightly but recovered and crossed his arms. He gazed at her and saw the faint outline of himself, looming and irritable, when she looked back at him. Sasha saw much the same; herself through his eyes and him as well. They stared unwaveringly at one another until it faded out.

“We will drink some water and go to bed. That is all. Tomorrow you may poke and prod at us. Aleksis and I are very tired.”

The head physician gazed at Aleksis as he spoke. His brows furrowed and concern was clear on his face. He looked between the two pilots and then nodded slowly, waving the nurses aside and

“You are probably suffering from exhaustion. I see no immediate reason why the physical exam cannot wait until tomorrow. Rest will benefit you both more than us keeping you up on your feet. Go on.”

Aleksis nodded once and then bent to scoop Sasha up out of her chair, for her feet were too sore to put her boots back on after so many hours of being on them. She clutched the boots to her chest and did not protest as Aleksis lifted her. Her head simply leaned against his shoulder and she closed her eyes, fingers stroking along his throat while she soaked up the warmth of him through his gray shirt. Her mind was quiet, no rushing blue or rapid fire images to disturb it. She still felt odd.

“I called you Sasha,” she mumbled against the taunt muscle against her face. She heard the familiar ping of the elevator doors sliding shut, and the sluggish momentum of the compartment as it lowered them. “Is that right?”

“I do not know,” Aleksis said gently, stroking her frizzy braids as they rode the elevator down to the living quarters. “It does not matter, now. We will figure everything out later.”

The hallways were empty, everyone else asleep given the late hour. Sasha went down onto the floor so that Aleksis could open the door to their quarters, letting her pass first and following. They undressed without hesitation and went straight to the bathroom, turning on the shower and standing in the tiled space together with her chest to his so that the water could hit them both.

“We won,” Aleksis said, offering her a tired smile while she combed shampoo through his thick hair.

“But what have we lost?” She asked, brows drawn together.

“We have only gained,” Aleksis whispered, taking the shampoo up and kneading the suds into her hair in return. “Our drift will be infallible after today. We will be the best. You will see.”

“And we are not crazy, now?” Her voice was soft. She cupped water in her palms to rinse his curls out. “I felt like I would go crazy, when it began.”

“I thought so, too. They never told us about that happening in the Academy.”

“I suppose they never thought anyone would be stupid enough to be in a Jaeger for that long,” she replied dryly, lips twitching into a faint smile. Aleksis stroked her cheek at the far away look in her eyes and kissed her gently, holding her close.

She closed her eyes while he rinsed her hair clean, and they scrubbed at themselves quickly with soap and rinsed again before turning the water off. They toweled off and brushed their teeth, combed tangles from their hair, and took turns drinking from the running tap. Sasha was already curled up on her bed, fast asleep, by the time Aleksis had finished hanging their towels up to dry. Her blankets were only halfway up over her bare figure, one slender foot sticking out from under the covers. The red polish on her toenails was chipped; Aleksis would offer to redo it for her some time soon. He stopped at her side and tugged the covers up the rest of the way and kissed the corner of her lips softly before he turned out the light and went to his own bed.

He slept but it was not restful. His mind was not filled with the blue of the drift but it still hummed like a live wire. The unhinged feeling that had begun in the Jaeger had not left him. His eyes would fall shut and he would doze only to wake again a short time later. An hour passed like that, and then another. Shortly after six AM he heard the hallways fill up with people as they made their way to the mess hall. No one came to knock on their door, and he was glad, but he still stood up once the crowds had dispersed and went into the bathroom again. He turned on the light and closed the door to keep from disturbing the slumbering woman. His hands trembled violently while he turned on the tap, cupping them together and filling them with water to splash onto his face. Aleksis did this several times and drank from the tap once more.

_I don't know what is mine and what is hers. I cannot tell. I cannot. We are not mad but we are not the same anymore._

He stood upright and looked at himself in the mirror, an unpleasant feeling in his stomach. He was the same as he had ever been. Dark eyes and dark hair and dark beard and too big for the little bathroom. He grabbed a towel and patted his face dry, sighing heavily. When he lowered it Sasha was reflected in the mirror, leaning in the doorway. She was still undressed and looked frazzled but strangely determined. Her toes curled against the cold floor and she crossed and uncrossed her arms then she reached up and turned off the bathroom light, tired of squinting her eyes against the brightness. The soft pats of her feet on the floor as she walked to him met his ears and her hands pressed against his stomach, using him as guidance as she stepped in close and found his face. Aleksis felt the soft exhale of breath just before she kissed him. Her arms slid around his middle and held him firmly, her nose bumping against his after he pulled his mouth away.

“I cannot sleep,” he whispered fitfully. Her hands rubbed along his sides and she felt the mild tremors in his muscles. “I feel ready to crawl out of my own skin.”

“I know. We feel the same. It's okay,” she said, cupping his face in her hands and pulling him down to kiss him again. She stroked her fingers along his jaw and sighed softly. “Come here, now.”

Her long fingers combed back through his hair, feeling it still damp against her fingertips at the roots, before she slid her arms around his neck. Aleksis let her pull him along, guiding him with her hands and brushes of her lips against his, back into the dark of their quarters. Sasha's legs bumped against the edge of her bed and she broke away from him to lie back, and he carefully moved over her and reclaimed her mouth. Her fingers brushed soft trails down his back, her teeth setting upon his lower lip while her long legs cradled his hips.

“I should...I should let you rest. I know you are tired,” Aleksis mumbled, even as his mouth lowered to her neck, pressing hot kisses along her throat and sliding a hand into her hair to tip her head back. One of her hands grabbed his hair in return and jerked his head to the side, her mouth pressing against his ear. He froze at the abrupt roughness, letting out a slow breath that shook faintly.

“I do not want to rest yet. My mind will not hush,” she whispered slowly, biting the edge of his ear and releasing his hair to draw her nails along his spine. “I have all of your memories of us, and all of your desires that you are too shy to say. They are...provoking in such a large quantity.”

Aleksis shivered and his hips rolled forward against her, and he felt himself flush hot down his neck and chest. He had hers, too. He knew how she felt when pinned under his weight against a mattress, or cradled in his lap, or leaned over the small table in their quarters with him behind her. The solidity of him pressed against her, and within her too, and how utterly content it made her feel. It was bizarre to have almost innate understanding how how it felt to be fucked by himself, but her hips were grinding up into his and spurring on his speculations as he kissed and bit down her neck.

Sasha's hands slid around his hips and her nails dug into his belly, and she hissed breathlessly as his mouth closed around one of her nipples and bit down. She keened and arched against him, winding her fingers into his hair while he kissed and bit at her breasts. Her legs wrapped around him and pulled him in close, and he groaned and shuddered when her hand slid down his chest and between them. Her fingers wandered over his belly and through the coarse, dark hair above his erection. She hummed softly and rested her nails there against his skin, listening to his breath as it grew heavier in anticipation. He nuzzled against her chest and kissed her again, his large fingers stroking along the quickening rise and fall of her ribs. When she gripped his cock and squeezed him firmly he moaned and his hips pushed forward against her hold.

“I want this...” Sasha began, hooking the pointer finger of her free hand under his chin and tipping his face up. She paused to kiss him, biting his lip and licking into his mouth while brushing the pad of her thumb through the clear fluid at the head of his cock. He whined lowly and tried to catch her lips again when she broke their kiss but she pulled away, marginally further, still teasing as she worked him quickly with her hand. Aleksis swallowed heavily and dropped his head to her chest, gripping at her sides and curling his hips mindlessly. Briefly he was grateful that she could not see him clearly; he knew that he was flushed red from ears to chest and overeager with his actions, looking every bit as young as he was. It charmed her to see him in such a state, and she had told him so countless times, but he was still embarrassed.

“I want this in me,” she finished with an almost luxuriant sigh, running her fingers over sensitive flesh. Her finger beneath his chin beckoned him up for another lazy kiss. The tension that had built up in him made him tremble, his breath stuttering against her lips as he hovered over her, and she grinned wickedly. “You will be a good man, now, and fuck me so that we can go to bed.”

She sounded imperious and deeply pleased with her effortlessly assumed dominance. He nodded quickly and kissed her, happily compliant as he sat back and tried to escape the vice of her legs to go and get a condom. She clucked her tongue in disapproval and he heard her shift slightly on the bed, and the sharp sting of a foil edge hitting his cheek followed.

“Never say that I am not prepared for everything, hmm? I have been awake for an hour, pondering this.” She nearly purred up at him, and he chuckled and ran his hands along her strong thighs appreciatively while he sought the foil package in the dark. His fingers detoured briefly in their search to brush over her clit, and to press into the warmth of her. They both moaned softly as she clenched around his fingers, her back arching and hands gripping at his forearms. Her crooked them just right, finding that perfect spot in her and rubbing his fingertips over it until she jerked her hips and hissed breathlessly.

“Beautiful woman,” Aleksis murmured at last, bending down to nuzzle his cheeks against the insides of her thighs and against her calves until the scratch of his beard made her writhe in delight under him. He groaned lowly as she squirmed, for he swore that he felt the rough echo of his beard against her skin on his own thighs.

He tore the little packet open and tossed the foil aside, grinning when her foot nudged against his shoulder impatiently. He bit at her ankle and then focused on rolling the thin latex down onto himself, and then his hands shot out to grab her thighs and hoist them up around his hips. Sasha let out a gasping laugh, her ankles hooking loosely and pressing against his lower back as he leaned down to kiss her. The feeling of him pressing into her, hard and thick, made her keen softly in her throat and grip at his hair. Her hips gave a small jerk and then pushed up into his and he grunted, bracing his large hands on the bed above her shoulders and rolling his hips forward against her slowly.

One arm wound around his shoulders and her other hand rested on the back of his head, stroking and pulling at his hair when Aleksis tucked his face into the crook of her neck. He curled his hips steadily, hands gripping tightly at her thighs, and he bit at Sasha's neck between his muffled gasps. The pinch of his teeth on her skin was mirrored within his own nerves in the same spot. Her heels pressed a little harder into his back and she clenched around his cock, tipping head back back to bare her throat to him. Encouraged by her pressing up into him he snapped his hips forward with more force, and Sasha let out a loud moan.

“Sasha,” she gasped, and then made a low noise and nuzzled against his shoulder, “or...or Aleksis.”

Aleksis laughed breathlessly against her jaw, kissing her cheek and then catching her lips. He brought a hand up and stroked her cheek gently, countering the quick thrusts into her and the other hand that gripped hard to her thigh. Her skin was hot under his fingertips. Sasha turned her face and kissed his fingers, biting at their tips briefly and keening softly at the pressure it created in her own digits.

“I am either for you. It does not matter,” he whispered earnestly, leaning his forehead against hers. She raked her nails down the back of his neck and grabbed at his arms, whimpering softly with every breath that his movements drove out of her. The raised, red lines that her nails left behind on him brought stinging pain to her own skin and she whimpered at the idea of shared sensation. Aleksis kissed her fervently once more and then gripped one of her hands and brought it to his mouth, sucking two of her fingers briefly and then pressing her hand down between her legs. “Touch, now. Make yourself come. Let me hear you.”

She mumbled something in garbled Russian under her breath and then her moan took on a sharper edge, hips grinding up into her own touch and his thrusts. Aleksis pressed his face against her neck again and shuddered, body tensing and heat building in the clench of his stomach. The rising tension in her body drove his higher, too. She was too much like this, always, and he loved her all the more for it. Sasha's free hand scrabbled to grab at his hair, her slender figure arching desperately into the broadness of his chest while her legs held him tight. His body strained to follow her movements, desperately pressing closer. Sasha cried out loudly, growing louder until her voice cracked and her breath caught in her throat. Her hips jerked and Aleksis felt her thighs and belly tense and tremble against him as she climaxed. The wave pleasure that raced down his spine was not powerful enough to be all his own, but it knocked the breath from him regardless.

Aleksis slid his arms beneath her arched back and held her up against him, doubling his efforts and fucking into her quickly. Sasha let out a sharp noise and grasped at him, panting her approval against his ear and spurring him on with teasing bites. He gasped harshly against her neck, biting at her throat and growling at the sharpness of her nails against his back. She was tight around him, and clenched even more with every backward pull of his hips. His big fingers pressed into her back as he clutched at her, hard enough to bruise, and when he climaxed his breath caught in his throat before rushing out of him in a rough moan.

“There, mishka,” she breathed softly as he trembled through his release, shuddering along with him. His hips rolled forward against her in long, slow thrusts as the tension gradually melted out of his body. Her palms slid over his back and onto his shoulders, squeezing the quivering muscles there. Aleksis finally sighed harshly and eased her back onto the sheets, mouthing at the line of her jaw and rubbing her hips. A low, appreciative sound rumbled in his throat. Sasha brushed his hair back off of his forehead and kissed him there, continuing down the strong line of his nose before finding his lips.

Eventually he pulled away from her and kissed her cheek before heading to the bathroom to clean up. Sasha sighed, stretching her legs and arms with a pleased shiver, and closed her eyes. The light of the bathroom shone through her eyelids briefly as Aleksis returned, darkness overtaking it as he shut the light off. His footsteps paused between their beds and she hummed curiously.

“Hold on,” he mumbled, and then Sasha sat upright in alarm when her entire bed moved a few feet across the room. The heavy scrape of his bed doing the same followed and then the edge of his mattress met hers. He crawled onto the makeshift double bed and his hand found her cheek carefully in the dark.

“We can move them back when we wake up, if you would like. I will not mind. For now, though...please?”

It was Sasha's turn to be glad that he could not see her face. She was smiling openly, her fondness for him positively radiating off of her. He sounded so endearingly hopeful, if a little cautious as well.

“We can give it a try,” she finally acquiesced, taking his hand from her cheek and kissing his knuckles. It was not that she did not want to share space with him. Their little beds had simply never given them the option and neither had wanted to be the first to suggest pushing them together. Now, though...it was fitting, all things considering. Once Aleksis had settled down Sasha nudged him until he rolled onto his side, facing away from her. She slid her arm over his middle and pressed herself against his back, kissing the back of his neck and splaying her fingers against his stomach. Aleksis opened his mouth to ask why he was the little spoon but thought better of it. She knew everything, now. Of course she would know that he enjoyed being cuddled in spite of his size. Why should he argue with the truth? He simply let out a very faint sigh and closed his eyes.

They slept until the mess hall had opened for dinner, and their dreams were vivid and identical but not at all frightening. It was difficult to eat while their fields of vision kept shifting from one point of view to another, but they managed it with only minor spills.

\- - - 

It took a few weeks for them to settle back into themselves after their escapade. The abrupt changes in vision stopped gradually, though Sasha would miss having the better view of the world from Aleksis' height. They verified just exactly who was who according to their records, though that did little to prevent slip-ups of calling each other by the wrong name. Their crew had gotten used to it and said nothing. The blue flashes stopped racing through their minds only a day after they had gotten back to the Shatterdome, which was a relief. In the weeks that followed they had asked each other about memories that they weren't sure about, trying to puzzle out just what really belonged to who, but their progress with it was limited. It didn't matter a great deal to them, in the end, which memories came from who. Everything was simply _theirs_. It was a strange but comforting idea.

They continued to dream about the same things, too, on some nights. The shared dreams weren't always long; some of them were only brief snippets, and they never realized it until they spoke about it in the morning. It was something that they had to admit, along with everything else that they had experienced, when they were finally examined by a medical team and researchers for the drift technology program. Their story had been received with awe and confusion and a degree of concern for their mental states. There had been no drift as long as theirs, and so there was nothing to compare their reaction to. They were eventually left alone after cleanly re-passing the psychiatric evaluation that Rangers were given before they were allowed into a Jaeger.

Not to say that they had not both been permanently impacted by the experience.

 

“Have any of you seen Aleksis since this morning?”

Sasha's hands were on her hips, frowning suspiciously at her crew where they all sat around their lunch table. The big man had inexplicably vanished after breakfast when Sasha had been pulled away by a mechanic to go look at some repairs and upgraded features in Cherno's Conn-Pod. She was beginning to think that it had been a ruse to cover for him.

“I think that he went off-base for a little while,” a voice down the table from her offered. Sasha narrowed her eyes when they all fought down sly grins and continued to eat. “Why don't you sit down and have something to eat, Sasha? Enjoy your day off from patrolling. He will be back in no time.”

She shook her head in exasperation but turned on booted heel and stalked off to get a tray. It really was unfortunate that her crew was not as afraid of her as outsiders were. When she sat down with a bowl of borscht and a pile of potato and ham salad, her companions smiled at her amiably. Sasha snorted and rolled her eyes but smiled back, falling into a conversation about a rumored shipment of vodka and good cigars to celebrate the upcoming holidays.

About halfway into their lunch break a loud wave of whooping arose from the section of the mess hall where the Durovas were sat. Sasha looked over at them and then followed their astonished expressions across the crowded room to the steps that led up and out the door. There were people coming and going through the doorway, and off to the side there was a towering, bearded figure that was unmistakably Aleksis. Sasha blinked and stared at him, her mouth open in shock.

The dark mop of curls that he had sported since they had met was gone. Instead his hair was trimmed short along the sides and back, the dark hairs all styled backwards sleekly. The rest was styled up tall and slightly feathery on the top of his head and near his crown. Not a single curl was present to hide his forehead and eyes. It made him seem, impossibly, taller. Aleksis' face was slightly flushed from the unexpected reaction he had gotten from the sisters but he was nevertheless trying his best to look stoic while he sought out Sasha. When he found her he strode off down the steps and through the glances being thrown his way. She watched him approach, unable to think of anything witty to say about the change, and then he was upon her and he leaned down, kissing her without hesitation and cupping her cheek in his massive palm.

“Tonight you will help me change the color,” he said lowly, ignoring the tittering coming from their team to gaze at Sasha unwaveringly. “I want it to match yours. Yours makes you look very strong and I want to be strong with you.”

She nodded, utterly dumbstruck by him for the first time in their relationship, and thumbed a small smudge of her red lipstick off of his mouth. Up this close, Sasha could see that he had trimmed up the edges of his beard, too. He did not look quite so young anymore without his fluffy locks and unkempt facial hair. Sasha raised a hand and ran her fingers through his hair gently, not wanting to flatten it down. Aleksis smiled at her stunned expression and kissed her forehead before leaving her to get something to eat before they closed the line. It was only after he had come back and was busy eating that she kicked his leg gently under the table and cleared her throat.

“There is some merit to knowing each other's thoughts,” she said mildly.

Aleksis chuckled lowly and nodded.

“I know. I saw how silly you thought I looked, even if you did not mind too much. Now I do not?”

“No,” she began gently, studying him with a deep sense of admiration and pride. He had done this all on his own, something very self-assured for someone who had seemed so doubtful of himself in the past outside of their Jaeger or the training room. He was her copilot and her friend and her lover and she was grateful for it all and even more grateful that whatever had happened to them had seemed to up his faith in himself.

“You certainly do not look so silly, now,” she finished, and she slid one of her feet between his and lowered her voice. “Though I hope there is enough of it left for me to grab when I want to, hmm?”

The edges of his ears turned faintly red at her praising and teasing words while he poked at his food, and Sasha smiled. He was still her Aleksis, after all.


End file.
